Finding my Own "Mommy Style"

 Everyone has their own opinions on just about everything with pregnancy, babies, parenting.. As a pregnant soon-to-be mom I first ran into this challenge when I was planning my birth and where to have my baby. 

Understandably, I was really nervous to go through labor, and I wanted my experience (and of course the well-being of my baby) to be the best it could be. I asked a lot of friends and family members about their stories and where they had their babies. I learned some helpful things to think about - things like pros and cons of a small hospital vs. a large one. I enjoyed hearing about the special moments so many moms had with their little babies.

But I also began to feel very overwhelmed with the weight of my choices - just the decision of which hospital to choose felt like this heavy weight on me. What if I picked the wrong one?


Photo by Marcelo Silva on Unsplash

I felt so stressed out about getting it right.. and made my decisions and plans and everything with Kasdyn's birth went beautifully. 

Since then, there have been many moments of questioning myself, wondering what I should do. As you know, you'll receive opinions from friends, parents, in-laws, coworkers, neighbors.. it can be difficult to know what advice to consider and when to do something differently. And having confidence in your decisions and parenting styles is ever more difficult.

I'm not going to say I'm 100% there yet, but I'm working on having confidence in my own decisions. I had one experience where someone had said something truly hurtful. My baby was sick with a stuffy nose and I had taken her to the doctor's earlier that week. It was just stuffiness and he recommended saline sprays and using a Nose Frida (a nose suction tool to help clear out a baby's nostrils - seriously a life saver). 

My family member was not familiar with the Nose Frida and how well it works to remove gunk from babies' noses. She heard my baby crying loudly, came charging in and took my baby from me. She said I was probably hurting my baby (and she said this several times). My baby's breathing was noisy and we decided to take her to the ER to make sure she was okay. The doctor at the hospital gave the same advice - just keep doing saline mist and nose suction using the Nose Frida. 

Most of all I was relieved that her breathing was fine and she was just stuffy. But I also felt hurt that she had repeatedly told me it was probably me hurting my baby by using the Nose Frida. I was frustrated that she wouldn't believe me, and that she had come in and literally taken my baby away from me. (Note: Kasdyn cried the first week when I used the Nose Frida because she was afraid of the suction; she is totally fine with it now!)

I would like to think that if I was put in that situation again I could stand up for myself better. It's always been hard for me in these kinds of situations to know what to do immediately. But I've been able to forgive that person for making me feel bad and I am confident in how I care for my baby.

While at the time, I felt like they had said I was a bad mom, and that I had hurt my baby. In hindsight, they simply didn't understand what we'd already learned was best for helping her. They didn't mean to make me feel bad, but there were a lot of frustrated and hurt feelings on my part.

And I remember the most helpful thing my husband said was, "You're the mom." And I remembered believing during my pregnancy that I would know what to do for my child, and it's been a journey of learning. But each week my daughter learns new things about grabbing toys and interacting with the world, and each week I learn how to understand her cues and what I can do for her.

There will always be different opinions - whether about breastfeeding, sleep training, passifiers, daycare, vaccines...There are endless points to disagree on. But one thing I can focus on is that I'm trying to be a great mom for my baby, and trying to be confident in my own decisions.

I'm trying to move away from the thought of what is "the right" choice, as there isn't always one perfect choice. Parenting is full of a lot of unknowns and we just have to do the best we can. We won't get everything right the first time, and that's okay. Working on that perfectionism! :)

Frida baby Nose Frida Nasal Aspirator with 20 Extra Hygiene Filters



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